Current mood:	amused
Current music:	Metric - Glass Ceiling
Entry tags:	books: my boyfriend sparkles, creative: growing up cullen, flist: kendra

saint_renegade: I like how we turned Edward into a 40 year old mother on a bad day.
So last night dudski was all "I greatly enjoy the implication that for decades on end, all of the Cullens spent their nights having crazy sex while Edward sat around and studied and kept on being a virgin who never whacked off." which set Kendra and I off on a flurry of semi-roleplaying wherein Edward Cullen became a pissed off 40 year old housewife. COME ON IT IS CANONICAL: HE HIMSELF SAID HE PICKED UP A LOT OF HOBBIES WHILE EVERYONE ELSE WAS BUSY FUCKING.

saint_renegade: IT IS SO TRUE
saint_renegade: LIKE WILD SEX ALL OVER THE PLACE AND EDWARD IS....READING
oxymoronassoc: EDWARD IS SUCH A FUCKING PRUDE
oxymoronassoc: LOL CAN YOU IMAGINE HE'D BE LIKE "EMMETT CAN YOU KEEP IT DOWN I AM READING PROUST!!!!" ALL OUTRAGED AND SHIT AND EMMETT WOULD BE LOUDER ON PURPOSE TO PISS EDWARD OFF AND EDWARD WOULD LIKE START LATIN RECITATIONS OR SOMETHING
saint_renegade: NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME!!!!!!
saint_renegade: reading like flowers for alegeron all pissed off while rose and emmett are breaking houses

oxymoronassoc: rosalie would totally be extra loud to annoy edward too
oxymoronassoc: esp if he was doing something delicate like building a boat in a bottle
saint_renegade: YOU KNOW HE HAS
oxymoronassoc: FUCK YOU ROSALIE THIS WAS THE FIFTH TIME
oxymoronassoc: and then he'd sulk around the house
oxymoronassoc: muttering darkly about his boat
saint_renegade: LISTENING TO CAT STEVENS AND SHIT
saint_renegade: all moodly for the next week
oxymoronassoc: LOL OR HE'D GO TO HIS ROOM AND BLARE ELIOT SMITH AND BRIGHT EYES AND SHIT
oxymoronassoc: NO ONE UNDERSTANDS MEEE HE WOULD SEETHE AS HE PRESSED HIS WILDFLOWERS

oxymoronassoc: i bet he went through a phase where he knitted shit
oxymoronassoc: to keep from strangling emmett
oxymoronassoc: everyone got a lumpy pullover for xmas that year
saint_renegade: ESME GOT SOMETHING WITH A CAT ON IT
oxymoronassoc: EMMETT'S HAD NO NECK HOLE AND EMMETT TRIED TO PUT IT ON ANYWAY AND STRUGGLED AROUND A LOT UNTIL HE JUST RIPPED HIS HEAD THROUGH
saint_renegade: he'd like mutter to himself about being 'content with yourself' and shit while knitting
oxymoronassoc: BE TRUE TO YOURSELF
saint_renegade: EMMETT, I WORKED HARD ON THAT, JEEZ!!!
oxymoronassoc: AND ESME WOULD COME BY AND STROKE HIS HAIR AND KISS HIS FOREHEAD
oxymoronassoc: AND PRAISE HIS UGLY KNITTING
saint_renegade: She'd wear hers around the house for the next few weeks
oxymoronassoc: Alice would be scandalized and "lose" hers
oxymoronassoc: and suggest edward pick up scrapbooking or something

saint_renegade: CAN YOU IMAGINE HIM SCRAPBOOKING?
oxymoronassoc: YEAH I CAN
oxymoronassoc: ALL SPREAD OUT ON THE LIVING ROOM FLOOR
oxymoronassoc: SUPER INTENSE
saint_renegade: ~HUNTING TRIPS~
oxymoronassoc: CUTTING OUT SNOW ANGELS AND SHIT
oxymoronassoc: GOING TO GET STICKERS THAT MATCHED
saint_renegade: WHERE ARE MAH STICKERS!!!!!
oxymoronassoc: EMMETT WOULD STEAL THEM
oxymoronassoc: "LOOK AT THIS SHIT IT'S A BATHTUB STICKER? WHO THE FUCK NEEDS THAT?"
saint_renegade: jasper too when he's bored
oxymoronassoc: they would stick them places to annoy edward
oxymoronassoc: like on his clothes before esme washed them
saint_renegade: edward would get super pissy too
saint_renegade: I DON'T MAKE FUN OF YOUR HOBBIES!!!
oxymoronassoc: THOSE WERE MY FAVOURITE KHAKIS
oxymoronassoc: I PAID $4.50 FOR THOSE STICKERS YOU DICKS
saint_renegade: YOU ARE PAYING ME BACK!
oxymoronassoc: EMMETT YOU HAVE TO GO BUY ME NEW STICKERS
oxymoronassoc: RIGHT NOW!!!!
saint_renegade: COME ON, WE ARE TAKING THE JEEP
saint_renegade: I AM NOT KIDDING
oxymoronassoc: and emmett would be like OH HELL NO I AINT GOING IN THAT STORE
saint_renegade: I'LL TELL MOM

oxymoronassoc: i bet he went through a phase where he wanted to be a rock star instead of a pianist too
oxymoronassoc: like in the 80s
oxymoronassoc: IT'S AN ELECTRONIC KEYBOARD OKAY!!!!

saint_renegade: LOL ALSO - EDWARD SPENDS A LOT OF HIS NIGHTS CLEANING
oxymoronassoc: LIKE GROUT IN THE BATHROOM
oxymoronassoc: WITH A TOOTHBRUSH
oxymoronassoc: EVEN THOUGH NO ONE USES IT
saint_renegade: he's like hardcore with it too
saint_renegade: THIS IS GROSS, HOW DO WE LIVE LIKE THIS?
oxymoronassoc: like microscopic grit
saint_renegade: DISGUSTING
oxymoronassoc: i bet he did bella's bathroom too
oxymoronassoc: when he got tired of watching her sleep
saint_renegade: he has gloves and everything
saint_renegade: he gets in there all like scrubs shit
oxymoronassoc: and gets pissy if anyone touches his specially organised bucket
oxymoronassoc: WHO WAS TOUCHING MY CLEANING SUPPLIES???
saint_renegade: EMMETT, DO'T TOUCH MY WINDEX
saint_renegade: YOU USED ALL MY FEBREZE LAST WEEK AND I LET IT GO BUT THIS IS TOO MUCH
saint_renegade: I AM PUTTING MY FOOT DOWN
oxymoronassoc: i bet jasper and emmett like pull all the TP off the roll and leave the cardboard just to annoy edward
saint_renegade: GUYS. YOU KNOW WE CAN'T EVER HAVE GUESTS IF THIS IS THE WAY YOU ARE GOING TO KEEP THINGS?
saint_renegade: I WOULD DIE IF SOMEONE CAME OVER RIGHT NOW AND HAD TO USE THE BATHROOM
saint_renegade: THEY WOULD THINK WE WERE PIGS
oxymoronassoc: and emmett and jasper just look at each other like DUDE HE NEEDS TO GET LAID

oxymoronassoc: i bet emmett tries to talk about masturbating
oxymoronassoc: and edward is like OMG EMMETT DO NOT BE CRUDE
saint_renegade: oh and he totally uses the word crude, you are right

oxymoronassoc: i bet they use his shampoo in the shower too
saint_renegade: emmett.we don't even have the same hair type!!!!
oxymoronassoc: emmett would pee in the shower if he could
oxymoronassoc: emmett probably leaves like pubes on edward's soap and shit

saint_renegade: I love how we have turned Edward into a 40 year old mother
saint_renegade: on a bad day

saint_renegade: edward calls FAMILY MEETINGS when emmett really pisses him off with that shit
saint_renegade: they have all to come and talk about their feelings
saint_renegade: EMMETT, I DON'T FEEL LIKE YOU RESPECT MY WANTS AND NEEDS AS A PERSON SOMETIMES
oxymoronassoc: ESME IS THE MODERATOR
oxymoronassoc: emmett thinks she unfairly favours edward
saint_renegade: AND IT HURTS MY FEELINGS BECAUSE I AM ALWAYS AT MY BEST BEHAVIOR WITH YOU
oxymoronassoc: JUST BECAUSE HE DOESN'T WANK ENOUGH IS NO REASON TO PUT UP WITH HIS PRISSINESS
saint_renegade: Emmett just like kicks back and is all IT'S FOR THE LULZ, EDWARD, STOP BEING A VAG
saint_renegade: Rosalie gets pissed within the first minute and has to walk out
oxymoronassoc: rosalie rolls her eyes so hard it would hurt if it could
saint_renegade: Alice tries to be kind to Edward...
oxymoronassoc: OH MY GOD GROW UP BOTH OF YOU. I WILL BE IN THE GARAGE.
saint_renegade: ROSALIE YOUR CONSTANT ATTITUDE DOES NOT HELP AT ALL EITHER
saint_renegade: AND JASPER, I FEEL LIKE YOU EGG HIM ON, YOU KNOW HOW HE IS
saint_renegade: I DON'T ASK FOR MUCH, YOU GUYS, I REALLY DON'T
oxymoronassoc: jasper would act innocent, all spreading his hands wide like WHAT COULD I DO
oxymoronassoc: emmett would get up and leave in the middle
oxymoronassoc: IT IS TIME FOR THE GAME, BRO
saint_renegade: Jasper would fuck with his mood too make him more pissy
oxymoronassoc: and edward would accuse him of this and just get pissier
saint_renegade: EMMETT I CAN READ YOUR MIND, AND THAT WAS VERY RUDE AND I FEEL LIKE YOU SHOULD TELL ME YOU ARE SORRY
saint_renegade: THERE IS NO NEED FOR THOSE TYPE OF WORDS, HONESTLY
oxymoronassoc: and then emmett would start screaming at the tv
oxymoronassoc: and it would all dissolve
oxymoronassoc: and edward would remain in impotent rage in the kitchen
saint_renegade: Esme would just like hug him and be all 'i'll talk to him, sweetie, you know he doesn't mean it'
oxymoronassoc: and edward would mutter something like THAT DOESN'T MEAN IT ISN'T HURTFUL.
saint_renegade: NO MOM, HE DOES IT ALL THE TIME, AND HE KNOWS IT'S DISRESPECTFUL, HE KNOWS
oxymoronassoc: and esme would be like WHY DON'T YOU GO TRY OUT THAT NEW POTTERY WHEEL I BOUGHT?

saint_renegade: and that's how they have like 80 bowls they'll never use
oxymoronassoc: all lumpy and badly glazed
saint_renegade: I'M PERFECTING MY ART!!!!!
saint_renegade: WHAT ARE YOU DOING BESIDES BEING FILTHY?
oxymoronassoc: emmett will use them one day when he and jasper are pretending aliens are invading in the backyard and karate chop them to bits
oxymoronassoc: and edward will flip his shit
oxymoronassoc: NO RESPECT
oxymoronassoc: NO RESPECT!!!!
oxymoronassoc: THAT WAS ART!
oxymoronassoc: ART!!!
saint_renegade: oh that would be the shitfit for the ages
saint_renegade: EMERGENCY HOUSE MEETING!!!!!
saint_renegade: Edward would just walk outside and see it and start screaming for a meeting
saint_renegade: THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT
saint_renegade: WELL I WILL TELL YOU SOMETHING MISTER,
oxymoronassoc: DONT EVEN TRY TO SAY YOU DIDNT THINK ANYONE WAS USING THOSE, EMMETT
saint_renegade: YOU HAVE TAKEN IT TOO FAR
oxymoronassoc: I KNOW YOU KNEW THAT I MADE THOSE FOR ESME
saint_renegade: TOO FAR
saint_renegade: THOSE TOOK TIME AND HARD WORK
saint_renegade: DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO WORK ON SOMETHING?
saint_renegade: DO YOU?

oxymoronassoc: he'd go break something of emmett's
oxymoronassoc: in a pique of rage
oxymoronassoc: and then be really upset with himself
oxymoronassoc: and lock himself in his room
saint_renegade: FOR LIKE A WEEK
saint_renegade: I'M NEVER COMING OUT!!!
oxymoronassoc: AND EMMETT WOULD BE LIKE
oxymoronassoc: DUDE I DONT CARE I CAN BUY A NEW STEREO
oxymoronassoc: COME OUT, ESME IS CONCERNED
oxymoronassoc: BRO I REALLY DONT CARE
saint_renegade: Edward, no one is angry with you, please come out
oxymoronassoc: I AM ANGRY WITH MYSELF!!!!
oxymoronassoc: I LET MY CONTROL SLIP!!!
saint_renegade: Esme would make everyone go to his door and try to talk to him
oxymoronassoc: I AM A MONSTER!!!
saint_renegade: I LET YOU GET TO ME!!!!
oxymoronassoc: OH SHE TOTALLY WOULD
oxymoronassoc: EVERYONE MAKES MISTAKES, DARLING!
oxymoronassoc: NO NEED TO BEAT YOURSELF UP OVER IT
saint_renegade: Rosalie would be like STOP BEING SUCH A BITCH AND GET OUT ALREADY
saint_renegade: ESME IS WORRIED
saint_renegade: AND I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT ANYMORE
saint_renegade: he'd just like turn up his music all I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!!!
oxymoronassoc: I KNOW YOU WANT ME TO STAY IN HERE FOREVER, ROSE
oxymoronassoc: I KNOWWWWW

saint_renegade: I THINK WE HAVE A NEW CANON
oxymoronassoc: EDWARD CULLEN IS THE PROBLEM CHILD
saint_renegade: he's EMOTIONAL, OK
saint_renegade: JUST BECAUSE HE HAS FEELINGS
saint_renegade: Alice is the only one who ~understands~ him

oxymoronassoc: I BET HE GOES SHOPPING WITH ALICE
oxymoronassoc: AND IS A PICKY LITTLE BITCH
oxymoronassoc: AND EMMETT IS LIKE BRO JUST BUY A SHIRT
oxymoronassoc: THE GAME IS ON A FOUR
oxymoronassoc: I GOTTA GET HOME FOR THE GAME
oxymoronassoc: and alice is like THEY LOSE
oxymoronassoc: AND EMMETT IS LIKE "fUCK YOU ALICE FUCK YOU"
saint_renegade: that is the one time emmett gets pissy
saint_renegade: he like storms out to bitch to rosalie
saint_renegade: who doesn't care
oxymoronassoc: he knocks over a whole dressing rack
oxymoronassoc: and they are asked to leave the store
saint_renegade: Edward is like WE CAN NEVER GO ANYWHERE WITH YOU!!!!
saint_renegade: HOW EMBARASSING!
oxymoronassoc: WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE LIKE THAT EMMETT
oxymoronassoc: WHY?????
saint_renegade: ARE YOU A CHILD?
oxymoronassoc: ITS ALICE'S FAULT, MAN. SHE CROSSED THE LINE.
saint_renegade: I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO LOOK THROUGH THE DRESS SHIRTS
oxymoronassoc: SHE WAS JUST TRYING TO HELP!
saint_renegade: IT REFLECTS BADLY ON ALL OF US WHEN YOU CARRY ON THIS WAY
oxymoronassoc: ALL YOU WEAR IS BEIGE ANYWAY EDWARD
oxymoronassoc: WHY DO YOU NEED MORE BEIGE SHIRTS
oxymoronassoc: THE FUCKING GAME MAN
oxymoronassoc: THAT SHIT IS IMPORTANT
oxymoronassoc: YOU KNOW THIS
saint_renegade: OH SO NOW WE ARE GETTING NASTY
oxymoronassoc: IF YOU WANT NASTY
oxymoronassoc: and then he'd jump edward in the parking lot
oxymoronassoc: and alice would be like PEOPLE ARE WATCHING KNOCK IT OFF EMMETT
saint_renegade: Edward gets all pissy and has to run home
saint_renegade: I DON'T EVEN WANT TO BE IN THE SAME CAR AS YOU RIGHT NOW
saint_renegade: I AM SICK OF IT

oxymoronassoc: emmett has to drive the volvo home and IT RUINS HIS STREET CRED TO DRIVE THIS PUSSY CAR
saint_renegade: Edward has it on like pussy rock
saint_renegade: and Emmett has to put on 50 cent
oxymoronassoc: WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT? NICKELBACK?
oxymoronassoc: he would like rip the stereo out
oxymoronassoc: and then get pissed cause he had no music
saint_renegade: and Edward gets all pissed off YOU ARE GOING TO BLOW OUT THE SPEAKERS!!!!!
oxymoronassoc: THIS MUSIC OFFENDS ME
oxymoronassoc: LISTEN TO HOW HE TALKS ABOUT WOMEN
saint_renegade: AND DRUGS ARE NOT COOL
saint_renegade: NOR IS SUCH VIOLENCE
oxymoronassoc: I CANNOT CONDONE YOUR MUSICAL CHOICE, EMMETT
saint_renegade: THIS IS THE WHY YOU ARE THE WAY YOU ARE, EMMETT, THIS MUSIC
oxymoronassoc: and emmett would be like OH SHUT UP EDWARD THIS SHIT IS FLY
oxymoronassoc: and crank it up more
saint_renegade: HAVE YOU EVER EVEN HEARD OF COLUMBINE?
saint_renegade: I BET THEY LISTENED TO THIS TYPE OF "MUSIC" AS WELL
saint_renegade: AND LOOKED HOW THAT TURNED OUT
oxymoronassoc: i bet he would like quote jay-z to edward A PUSSY HAVIN' NO GODDAMN SENSE
oxymoronassoc: and shit about STRONG ARMING A HO
oxymoronassoc: and edward would be like PLEASE, EMMETT! MY EARS!
saint_renegade: I CANNOT SPEAK TO YOU WHEN YOU CARRY ON LIKE THIS
oxymoronassoc: STOP THINKING ABOUT THOSE VILE MUSIC VIDEOS
saint_renegade: SO PLEASE STAY QUIET OR ELSE THERE WILL BE A PROBLEM
oxymoronassoc: NO I DONT THINK THAT IT IS ATTRACTIVE WHEN WOMEN SHAKE THEIR BEHINDS IN THAT MANNER
saint_renegade: I JUST TO WANT TO SCRAPBOOK TONIGHT, OK
saint_renegade: I FIND IT OFFENSIVE

oxymoronassoc: i bet he like periodically reorganizes his CD collection
oxymoronassoc: sometimes it is by colour, reverse alphabetical
saint_renegade: it's like a weeklong thing
saint_renegade: WHERE IS MY COUNTING CROWS?
oxymoronassoc: EMMETT DID YOU BORROW THIS WITHOUT ASKING
saint_renegade: I REALLY WISH EVERYONE WOULD ASK BEFORE USING MY CD'S
oxymoronassoc: OH MY GOD WHO CRACKED THE CASE ON MY CREED CD
oxymoronassoc: WHO DID THIS!!!!
oxymoronassoc: FESS UP
saint_renegade: YOU KNOW I DON'T MIND
oxymoronassoc: FESS UP!!!
saint_renegade: I SIMPLY REQUEST YOU ASK!!!
oxymoronassoc: IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK FOR????
saint_renegade: DID YOU NOT THINK I'D NOTICE?
saint_renegade: AM I STUPID NOW?
oxymoronassoc: LOOK I CAN STOP LETTING YOU BORROW STUFF FROM ME!!
oxymoronassoc: and emmett is like PLEASE LIKE I WANT TO BORROW MUSIC FROM YOU
saint_renegade: WELL OBVIOUSLY YOU DO
saint_renegade: BECAUSE THERE IS NO MUSIC FAIRY TAKING THEM

oxymoronassoc: it's 3 am and he's vaccuming all the cars
saint_renegade: he gets super serious about it
oxymoronassoc: i bet he vaccums when emmett and rosalie are having sex

oxymoronassoc: emmett totes plays xbox in his underwear
oxymoronassoc: and he pwns edward
saint_renegade: Edward doesn't play
saint_renegade: like ever
oxymoronassoc: jasper and emmett love it though
saint_renegade: he likes ~classic~ games
oxymoronassoc: and edward is like too good for it
oxymoronassoc: THAT IS MINDLESS VIOLENCE!!!
oxymoronassoc: he announces and everyone stares at him like he is retarded
saint_renegade: IT KILLS YOUR BRAIN CELLS
oxymoronassoc: because THEY ARE VAMPIRES
oxymoronassoc: emmett has the hacks for grand theft auto
oxymoronassoc: and edward is SCANDALIZED
saint_renegade: CHESS IS SUCH A GRACEFUL GAME
oxymoronassoc: THIS GAME SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED
saint_renegade: WHY DON'T WE PLAY THAT?
oxymoronassoc: CHESS IS FOR QUEERS
oxymoronassoc: NO OFFENSE ALICE
saint_renegade: THESE YOUNG WOMEN HAVE OBVIOUSLY HAD A HARD LIFE
saint_renegade: SO THEY HAD TO SELL THEIR BODIES ON THE STREETS
oxymoronassoc: MUST YOU PISTOL WHIP EVERYONE, EMMETT?
saint_renegade: AND YOU KILL THEM?
oxymoronassoc: MUST YOU?
saint_renegade: AND THIS IS FUN?
saint_renegade: IT IS TRAGIC
oxymoronassoc: emmett like speaks in grunts when playing video games
saint_renegade: AND THIS MUSIC IS VILE
oxymoronassoc: HAVENT YOU BEATEN THIS GAME LIKE TWENTY TIMES?
saint_renegade: oh totally
oxymoronassoc: WHY DO YOU KEEP PLAYING IT
saint_renegade: he doesn't pay attention at all
saint_renegade: and Edward is just going off

oxymoronassoc: i bet edward plays solitare on the computer trying to beat his previous high score
oxymoronassoc: he keeps like a spreadsheet
oxymoronassoc: THIS COMPUTER'S ALGORITHMS CHEAT!!!!
saint_renegade: he fights with people on yahoo games
oxymoronassoc: i bet he's a scrabble nazi too
oxymoronassoc: THAT ISNT A WORD EMMETT
oxymoronassoc: TAKE IT OFF THE BOARD
saint_renegade: He like gets really pissed and throws the board across the room
saint_renegade: NO ONE IS RESPECTING THE GAME
saint_renegade: I AM GOING TO MY ROOM, GOODDAY, ALL OF YOU
saint_renegade: and slams the door
oxymoronassoc: suddenly they hear the dulcet sounds of death cab
oxymoronassoc: WELL I GUESS HE'S GOING TO BE UP THERE AWHILE
saint_renegade: Esme just sighs and shakes her head at emmett
saint_renegade: YOU KNOW HOW HE GETS
saint_renegade: WHY MUST YOU UPSET HIM?
oxymoronassoc: emmett is like THIS ISN'T MY FAULT. IF HE'D JUST LET OFF SOME STEAM...
saint_renegade: HE IS SENSITIVE.
oxymoronassoc: HE IS REPRESSED, MOTHER.
saint_renegade: it hurts him greatly when you say that, you know that right?
oxymoronassoc: ARE YOU JUST GOING TO LET HIM MOPE AROUND THE HOUSE FOR ANOTHER 100 YEARS?
oxymoronassoc: HOW MANY MORE SCRAPBOOKS DOES ONE FAMILY NEED?
saint_renegade: HE IS FINE, EMMETT. OK, YOU HAVE YOUR HOBBIES
oxymoronassoc: HE HAS A PROBLEM, MOM.
saint_renegade: NO ONE SAYS ANYTHING TO YOU ABOUT THEM.
saint_renegade: No go and try to make up with him
oxymoronassoc: SPORTS ARE A WAY OF LIFE, OKAY.
oxymoronassoc: FINE, BUT I WON'T MEAN IT AND HE'LL KNOW.
saint_renegade: like an hour later he'll come downstairs and not speak to anyone
oxymoronassoc: EDWARD ESME SAID I SHOULD SAY SORRY. SO SORRY. ALSO THIS MUSIC MAKES ME WANT TO DIE. AGAIN.
saint_renegade: just walk around
oxymoronassoc: glaring sulkily
saint_renegade: EDWARD DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM?
oxymoronassoc: esme is the only one he will talk to
saint_renegade: OH NO EMMETT, NOT PROBLEM, I'M JUST LOOKING FOR MY CARLY SIMON CD..
saint_renegade: YOU WOULDN'T KNOW WHERE THAT IS, WOULD YOU?

oxymoronassoc: i bet his closet is organized by colour and it is like WHITE TO BLACK with just beige and brown shades in between
saint_renegade: Alice helped him one weekend
oxymoronassoc: emmett would like put a hot pink shirt in to dick with edward
oxymoronassoc: WHO WAS IN MY CLOSET
oxymoronassoc: WHO TOUCHED MY CLOTHES
oxymoronassoc: WHOSE SHIRT IS THIS
saint_renegade: AGAIN, JUST DISRESPECT FOR MY BELONGINGS
oxymoronassoc: EMMETT I WILL SERIOUSLY PUNCTURE YOUR GAS TANK IF YOU DONT STOP TOUCHING MY THINGS!!!!
saint_renegade: IF ANY OF MY SHIRTS ARE STRECHED OUT, I AM NOT GOING TO BE PLEASED AT ALL
oxymoronassoc: YOU WILL FACE MY DEEPEST IRE
saint_renegade: OH AND IF YOU USE MY COLOR SAFE BLEACH AGAN WITHOUT ASKING, I AM TELLING MOM
saint_renegade: I'M NOT JOKING THIS TIME
oxymoronassoc: STOP USING MY CHLOROX PEN TO WRITE "DICK" ON MY BLACK UNDERWEAR
oxymoronassoc: edward totally wears briefs
saint_renegade: ARE WE IN MIDDLE SCHOOL?
saint_renegade: THAT IS THE ONLY TIME THIS HUMOR IS AT ALL FUNNY
oxymoronassoc: jasper is like trying not to giggle
oxymoronassoc: JASPER I KNOW YOU ARE LAUGHING.
saint_renegade: I CAN READ. YOUR. MIND.
saint_renegade: DOES EVERYONE FORGET THIS?
saint_renegade: OR DO YOU ALL JUST NOT CARE?
saint_renegade: DOES NO ONE CARE?
oxymoronassoc: I AM GOING TO MY ROOM!!!
saint_renegade: I feel like I'm trying to be better, but I CAN'T DO IT BY MYSELF, YOU GUYS
saint_renegade: ROSALIE, PLEASE DON'T LEAVE THE ROOM WHEN I AM SPEAKING IT IS RUDE
oxymoronassoc: DOES NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE HAVE ANY RESPECT? HAVENT YOU BEEN RAISED BETTER THAN THIS/
saint_renegade: are you all WILD DOGS?
saint_renegade: I expect this from HIM, but I am suprised at the rest of you, really
saint_renegade: and, frankly, a little hurt

oxymoronassoc: LOL CAN YOU IMAGINE HIM THE DAY HE MET BELLA
oxymoronassoc: COMING HOME ALL
oxymoronassoc: "I FOUND THE GIRL I AM GOING TO EAT MARRY!!!!
saint_renegade: I NEED TO LEAVE 4EVA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
oxymoronassoc: THIS IS A TRAVESTYYYYYYYY
oxymoronassoc: EVERYTHING I HAVE WORKED FOR
saint_renegade: DON'T STOP ME!! I ALMOST LOST CONTROL!!!!
oxymoronassoc: SHE SMELLED DELICIOUS. LIKE BACON.
oxymoronassoc: I ALMOST SAVAGED HER IN FRONT OF THE KIDS
saint_renegade: NO ONE HAS EVER FELT THIS WAY
oxymoronassoc: and emmett would just hear that
oxymoronassoc: and be like GOOD ON YOU EDWARD
saint_renegade: I AM NEVER COMING BACK AGAIN
saint_renegade: NO EMMETT, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, THIS WAS AWFUL
oxymoronassoc: WHY? IS SHE UGLY?
oxymoronassoc: I MEAN SOMETIMES UGLY CHICKS ARE STILL GOOD IN BED

saint_renegade: and then they day after the meadow
saint_renegade: he comes home like skipping
saint_renegade: I AM IN LOOOOOVE
saint_renegade: LOVE LOVE LOVE
oxymoronassoc: rosalie would be like OMG I GET IT SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY JESUS EDWARD YOU WOULD THINK LOVE WAS JUST INVENTED BY YOU AND ONLY FOR YOU CHRIST
saint_renegade: EMMETT, I WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS GIRL SEXUALLY, OUR CONNECTION IS FAR TOO DEEP FOR THAT
oxymoronassoc: OH WHATEVER YOU WANT TO BANG THE FUCK OUT OF HER DONT YOU
oxymoronassoc: and then he'd get really graphic
oxymoronassoc: and edward would get really pissy
oxymoronassoc: STOP IMAGINING IT
oxymoronassoc: EMMETT THAT IS WRONG
oxymoronassoc: OH MY GOD WHAT ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT
oxymoronassoc: PEOPLE CANNOT DO THAT

saint_renegade: EDWARD IS LIKE 'THAT'S IT!!! I AM GOING TO HER HOUSE TO WATCH HER SLEEP!!!'
saint_renegade: Oh god, you know Emmett gave him so much shit for that
saint_renegade: the watching her sleep thing
oxymoronassoc: emmett would be like SUUUUUURE OKAY "SLEEP"
oxymoronassoc: THAT ISNT CREEPY
oxymoronassoc: OR STALKERY
oxymoronassoc: YOU ENJOY THAT, PERVERT
saint_renegade: ARE YOU FUCKING THIS GIRL WHILE SHE'S SLEEPING?
oxymoronassoc: EDWARD THAT ISNT COOL
oxymoronassoc: THAT'S RAPE, DUDE
saint_renegade: BECAUSE THAT IS WRONG EDWARD
saint_renegade: YOU ARE A GOOD LOOKING CAT
oxymoronassoc: LIKE I KNOW YOURE A VIRGIN AND SHIT
saint_renegade: YOU CAN GET SOME
oxymoronassoc: BUT YOU SHOULD KNOW: THERE ARE RULES
saint_renegade: YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS
oxymoronassoc: DUDE DONT TELL ME YOU'RE SNIFFING HER DIRTY UNDERWEAR AND SHIT
oxymoronassoc: ARE YOU?
saint_renegade: WHY EMMETT! I HAVE NEVER, I SAY, THAT IS VILE
oxymoronassoc: CAUSE LIKE, I KNEW YOU HAD ISSUES, BUT...
oxymoronassoc: NO NEED TO GET SO BUTTHURT
oxymoronassoc: I WAS JUST TRYING TO HELP
oxymoronassoc: SO THAT WAS A "YES"
oxymoronassoc: HEY EDWARD WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN SHE'S ON THE RAG?
saint_renegade: YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND OUR LOVE!!!!
saint_renegade: and he runs off

oxymoronassoc: i bet bella used pads
oxymoronassoc: and edward was like UH CAN YOU SWITCH TO TAMPONS PLZ THANKS
saint_renegade: HE WOULD NEVER ASK HER TO DO THAT
saint_renegade: SHE WOULD BE UNPURE
oxymoronassoc: WELL ALICE WOULD
oxymoronassoc: SHE'D BE LIKE "UHM BELLA WE NEED TO CHAT"
oxymoronassoc: EDWARD IS TOO MUCH OF A GENTLEMAN TO SAY ANYTHING BUT AS YOUR FRIEND
oxymoronassoc: YOUR BESTEST BEST GIRL FRIEND
oxymoronassoc: I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD BRING IT UP
oxymoronassoc: YOUR PERIOD MAKES HIM UNCOMFORTABLE. NO NO NO DON'T FEEL BAD!!!
oxymoronassoc: YOU CANT HELP IT
oxymoronassoc: BUT MAYBE IF YOU USED TAMPONS INSTEAD?
oxymoronassoc: I HEAR THEY ARE QUITE PAINLESS TO USE, VERY EASY!!!
oxymoronassoc: I GOT YOU LIKE FIVE DIFFERENT KINDS
oxymoronassoc: SO YOU CAN FIND ONE YOU LIKE
oxymoronassoc: and bella would just take them and be blushing and all mumbling embarassed like
oxymoronassoc: I MEAN YOU DONT HAVE TO USE THEM BELLA! IF IT MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE
oxymoronassoc: IT'S JUST HARD YOU KNOW? FOR HIM. SMELLING THE BLOOD. NOT THAT YOU SMELL!!!!